mindfulness Archives | Authentic Self Counseling

If you follow me on Instagram you might know that the other day my little one was stung by a wasp. She couldn’t tell me what happened because she is a little over a year old and doesn’t have the verbal skills to do so. Detective work told me she was stung and it was horrible. She screamed for about 15 minutes and I couldn’t seem to sooth her. Finally she stopped and almost immediately when back to her happy self. It was eye opening for me to witness this phenomenon.

I then reflected on how as adults, we often hold on to things for a long time. Someone cuts us off in traffic on the way to work and we are still pissed when we get to our desk. Or maybe you get to work and realized you left your lunch on the counter and now you have to buy lunch… and your mood just doesn’t bounce back as you are constantly reminded by the bad thing that happened…

Often times, when something bad happens our negative thoughts start flowing and our day is ruined. We often look back at the event of the day and say it “ruined” the day. Such as the asshole driver, or you for leaving your lunch at home. But it isn’t the event that ruins the day, it’s the mindset that happens as the result of the event.

What if we handled the situations differently and looked at them as opportunities?

Maybe the asshole driver is a challenge to practice compassion.
Maybe leaving lunch at home allows you to grab lunch as your favorite cafe and gets you outside for a bit.

Opportunities can only be enjoyed if we are IN THE MOMENT

It’s hard to enjoy that sandwich at the cafe if you keep thinking about the lunch left at home.
It’s hard to smile and enjoy yourself when you keep thinking about the asshole driver that almost caused a car wreck.

This is when you take advice from a baby and notice only what is going on at the time.

In the moment you were cut off driving to work, be mad. You’re pissed that guy cut you off. That’s fine and human to honk at the guy and let him know that wasn’t cool. IT’S OK TO BE MAD! (even if your coping skill is flippin that guy off. It’s a skill and it works).

Then when you get to work its time to use your mindfulness skills. You’re no longer driving and beeping at that guy, it’s time to focus! Might have trouble shifting gears? That’s alright, use some relaxation or a fun distraction to hit your reset button!

Lets take our lunch example. IT’S OK TO BE SAD THAT YOU LEFT YOUR LUNCH AT HOME. Be sad, be angry, let it out.

For some reason we say, “it’s silly, its little, I shouldn’t be sad.” This just adds more judgement and frustration and you unconsciously are assigning your self worth to this mistake. But guess what, your self-worth doesn’t lie in remembering to bring your lunch to work.

Just because you left your lunch at home doesn’t mean you don’t DESERVE to enjoy your lunch out. That’s another faulty belief we get caught up thinking. We often keep ourselves upset by punishing us to not enjoy the alternative when things didn’t go as planned!

Time to use the mindfulness skills again – when you’re having your new lunch, enjoy it! Be in the moment by noticing the flavors and textures, how it feels in your mouth and in your belly.

Whenever I am around babies I’m constantly reminded to be in the moment. One minute a baby is straining to get a poop out, and the next minute he is smiling at the ceiling fan. Or like my little one, one minute its the end of the word because she was hurt, or didn’t get what she wanted, but when the pain stops or the new stimulus starts, she isn’t bitching about what HAPPENED, she is focused on the new awesome thing.

Next time you find yourself holding on to an event in the past think to yourself, “what would a baby do?”

Once you really get the hang of mindfulness practice, you realize you can use it anywhere, even in ridiculous situations (such as the title of this blog post). You don’t have to stop what you’re doing in order to be mindful (but you do have to change what you’re thinking).

I think the shower is a great place to practice mindfulness. It is full of a lot of sensory input especially with touch and smell (unless if you use all unscented things). The awesome thing about a shower (or bath) is that your biggest organ (your skin) is getting a lot of attention! The nice warm water hitting your skin over and over again….. It’s pretty awesome.

New moms (and dads too) talk about how they can’t even shower in peace. And for me that is true. My little one stands by the shower screaming because I am not available to her. But with some singing and playing peek-a-boo with the shower curtain, showers can be tolerable.

I don’t want to be singing twinkle twinkle and playing peek-a-boo with the shower curtain, I want to go back to my peaceful, mindful showers….

My solution may sound silly to most people, but hey, I do what works. I’m all about efficiency.

The other day I experimented and decided to sing my mindful thoughts in the shower. I sang about the warm water hitting my skin, the white soap bubbles on my legs, the lovely smell of lavender shampoo…. And much much more. I basically just sang everything I was noticing about my experience and engaging the use of my senses.

Mindfulness doesn’t need to be a relaxing serene experience. It can involve singing what you’re noticing while your child is unhappy. It is in that moment that you are not thinking “this is the worst shower in the world” or “will you please stop crying, I’m right here!” You’re noticing what you’re experiencing, and simultaneously calming your child with you’re amazing vocal talents. The serenity comes from the absence of negative thoughts.

I hope this example illustrates that mindfulness can be used anywhere, all the time. I have clients that are the overly-busy sort and sometimes send messages like, “I don’t have time to do your skills but fix my anxiety anyway.” One of the most difficult things about anxiety treatment is taking the time to work on getting better. These “hacks” come in really handy if you feel you don’t have the time to use the skills. Parents especially complain of this so I thought this funny example would be helpful as often people might ask how to me mindful when there is a toddler around… or child or any other time demanding responsibility…

If you can’t make lifestyle changes yet, or if your circumstance doesn’t allow you to quietly sip tea outside and watch the leave rustling in the light wind, you can still be mindful, you can still stop the negative thoughts, and you can still experience peace of mind.

Give it a try… let me know how it works for you 🙂